Desolée — Pitchblack Darkness Time

Outside this morning

Friends,

It is a source of perpetual astonishment to me that a majority of people prefer to get up in the pitch darkness — the sky is black out there until well after 6:30 am right now when they could be getting up (before 6) in the blessed light. This morning the winds are high and strong and it is 20 degrees fahrenheit out there. I was forced to push my clock ahead on Sunday; in fact most of the clocks did it themselves, moved ahead one hour all on their lonesome, imposed this on me.

I remember when Daylight Savings Time (what an ironically inappropriate term, euphemism as you add no daylight) started in early May and ended in late September. I’m told at one time it started in June and ended in early September. It ought to be called Morning Pitchblack Darkness Time.

At 10 to 11 I have to wait for a bus in this weather for over 20 minutes to make sure I don’t miss it. It may be as high as 27 by then? I wear two pairs of gloves and still get chilblains on my hands. Two hours there and back.

Last night even with the trazadone I could not sleep more than 2 hours in a row. I went to bed at 11:30, shut the light off a quarter to midnight and found myself wide awake at around 2. I did manage to fall back until 4:16 but after that I could not sleep.

There is no use pretending. I have been victimized by the DMV; have to hire an expensive lawyer to help me and she says she cannot guarantee we’ll win at all. Yes there is no due process because there is no right to drive. It’s called a “privilege.”

I am embarrassed to tell the sum I paid — I no longer find the $5000 retainer or consultation fee of Breaking Bad beyond belief. I’m not paying that much, but a little more than half. Not horrific in today’s terms; but to me extraordinary. I guess people pay such fees for divorce help? I did it because I have no reason to trust the DMV ever to unsuspend the license. She really took me seriously as I now think the first lawyer, a man, did not.

I wonder if that’s because he is a man and she a woman.

While I was there she went into my DMV files on-line (one can!) and discovered 1) I never drove illegally. In fact my license was un-suspended as of Jan 19th when I was in full compliance, but then it was re-suspended on the day after the phone call. So that’s why I was able to buy a car, get a registration and insurance. She then said there is something odd here. Usually one’s license is suspended under a code. She showed me a bunch of codes in a large book. Mine has no code cited only “medical reasons” and then no explanation. No wonder the woman on the phone talked to me in a manipulative rude way to get me to hang up. This second lawyer said, yes, there is nothing here to say they can’t keep doing this. She was puzzled as she said there is no line of argument we can begin with as there is no code cited nor any medical reasons cited.

So I’m to get another copy of my medical records (as the ones I have do not include neurological tests), she ordered a certified record of the DMV records and she’s going to begin by requesting a hearing. And right away. You must of course wait for a certified record. A way to slow you down, an obstacle. The hearing is with the DMV itself. That’s when it’s possible to get a restricted driver’s licence. She said you cannot get a restricted right to drive without a hearing. If we lose there, then we request a judicial review — go to court. That would be to go outside the DMV to a judge.

I don’t want to sit helpless. What gets me is my license was returned to me and then there’s this meeting and they reverse themselves. The second said I didn’t help myself with my statement (a description, true, of what happened) — she didn’t say I necessarily hurt myself; she felt it was (at best) ignored.

I did phone the first lawyer too and finally his paralegal came on the line. In fact she picked up the phone. The previous times I could get only a receptionist and then a secretary. They were waiting for me. What kind of behavior is this? She is just now composing a letter to someone to ask about how they came up with the term “syncope” since that is not in the medical records at all; so here is our opportunity to question them. A feeble protest if you ask me; the woman on the phone would say “blanked out” means syncope. This paralegal had not thought even to go on line. When I told her I had and what I found out she did not appear to register it. I could have told her to desist as I have someone else, but I thought maybe a letter won’t hurt.

I found I could not get my medical records released from Kaiser without signing a form. I did download one online and mailed it, but it would be better for me to go in to make sure the neurological tests (missing in the stuff I gave the lawyer). It’s a helluva a trip — as I’m told the walk to the Kaiser building form the Franconia-Springfield station is longish. I will probably have to get to the Kaiser by myself: I’m told the walk from the train station is a mile and sometimes there is nowhere to walk. I’m thinking that I may try to the Metro on Monday early in the morning and then come back by cab — a risky ordeal but I’ll do it.

I have a trip ahead of me as of Wednesday where I have to make sure I don’t get lost (Williamsburg, Va), get myself to the hotel, then to the conference and come home safely.

Is it any wonder I can’t sleep.

There is no use pretending anymore to hope for anything: I remember Mr Bennet to Elizabeth: “What is there of good to be expected?”

Sylvia