Hemorrhagic stroke

Dear friends and reader,

Here’s why I’ve not posted for weeks: I wrote this to a literary women, Anne Boyd Rioux, in answer to something she wrote to me on her substack newsletter: I had sent one of my foremother poet postings: Muriel Rukeyser.

Very unfortunately since I last wrote on this substack newsletter, I had a stroke (Jan 30th, 20240) and now find myself painfully trying to recover. Among the abilities I seem to have lost is typing. I have many ” side” problems like this (insomnia, constipation); centrally I cannot walk w/o a walker and am in danger of falling. I’m physically weak. Where I was for many years (until Jan 29), a rapid touch typist I cannot get my left hand to type anything but slowly and inaccurately. I have been trying to get access to therapy for typing, and as yet have failed. I discover Kaiser might not have such a service. I am again waiting to see — now next week. They provided therapy at the rehab (I was in one for a few weeks) and now at home; but hardly enough. I discover I don’t have medicare but medicare advantage paid to Kaiser– and nothing else. I find nothing on the Net; if this new offer by Kaiser is another sham, I shall try AARP, but feel I will again confront no living services.

To a friend at Olli at Mason: I can read and this isolation is bad for me so I am going to try a mini-course (4 weeks in June at OLLI at AU), using all I had created at that last OLLI at Mason. Going to try to do a Trollope talk using handwritten notes. I walk a little better but still need a walker and in danger of falling. Yes a dearth of literature at OLLI at Mason so I signed up for women’s rights and the Sayers Lord Peter Wimsay and Harriet Vane course at Politics and Prose (though they are pricey)

I’m told of complicated software I probably cannot operate without an at teacher. It is a kind of death for me.

************ — Update several days later — in a letter to a good (internet) friend who told me of an online class from Cornwall on Corish literature and culture:

It’s 2:50 am here and I’m up (unfortunately) as usual. Trying hard not to feel sorry for myself, but simply frustrated, I’m in a bad place just now. I can’t go out (can’t walk alone) and yet can’t talk to people as I’ve been doing for 35 years (via typing words) . I seem not to be getting better, and doctors are helpless against what the stroke has done to me — why I am so grateful for this Cornish class via zoom as a lifeline. My older daughter is trying to help me learn to use this Otter-AI, but I am here so bad with digital manipulation.

To facebook friends on my timeline:

I’ve had my first explanation as to why I feel I’m not improving anything when I do typing exercises. It seems the stroke disrupts neurological connections such that my brain does not know where my fingers precisely are and fails t control their movements. There’s a space gap. This is part of why I lose my balance — why I need the walker. I’m failing to situate larger parts of my body parts of my body too. So I hardly feel I’m coming closer to walking by myself and feel am often near losing my balance and falling hard.

A couple of hours later. I just finished participating in 4 classes on Austen with Maria Frawley (Politics and Prose online) and felt radiant when it ended. (really 8 because I watched 4 recordings of what I’d missed) For me life has long been worth the “cost” of it because of my literary studies. I can still read and enjoy with others. The opening picture is Emma painting from Andrew Davis’ BBC Emma.

I hop this is not my journey’s ending

Ellen

New Year’s Eve: Izzy’s song, Clarycat not gone from us altogether; the year’s memories


Here I am holding firmly to my sturdy fellow, Ian, Izzy taking the photo — greeting everyone on FB and twitter & bluesky & a literary mastodon

Dear friends and readers,

This has not been an easy year. As you know, we lost our beloved darling Clarycat. She is not gone from us because we remember her — not just the urn and the pawprints, but I’ve ordered four images to be blown up into framed prints (8 by 11) and I will have one in my workroom to sit behind me as she used to do, one in my bedroom near the one of Jim, and two more smaller ones (3 by 5) in the dining area and enclosed porch where I sit and read. I greeted friends and acquaintances on FB, twitter — and also BlueSky and a literary mastodon (which last place I don’t understand as a way to communicate with others at all, it being one of these Discords) with me holding onto Ian — quite a two-arms full.

I also as a match put onto FB and twitter a photo taken by Izzy and me holding poor Clarycat a month after she had her stroke. I had been told she probably had a brain tumor (because of the way she could not hold her head steady, stumbled to the left) but no hyperthyroidism. From her photo you can see she no longer had a natural expression on her face, nor is she holding her lower body up by herself any more. I am so worried. It matches the one just above

Izzy has commemorated the year with one of her music videos. I think Simon and Garfunkel’s “American” admirably suited to her low-throated soprano voice (with its mezzo contralto registers):

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So, 12/31/2023, 5:45 pm, we (Izzy and I) have just (45 minutes ago) returned from the Kennedy Center where we saw The Girl from North Country, book by Conor McPherson (the last couple of years the Booker Prize has gone to Irish writers’ books), music and lyrics by Bob Dylan. Upfront it has its problems: that often, especially the first half, the songs, music and lyric seem to have nothing to do with the lives of this group of people living in or renting for now in a boarding house _is a problem_. Audiences don’t invent parallel universes (see review). But the stories grow on you and it is such a relief to get away from the script of competitive success and boasting — the choice of 1934, a year deep in the depression as speaking to Americans today tells us a lot. Everyone trying to fail better. Many not succeeding. It reminded me of Our Town (the imagined backward thrust from later death), and Steinbeck at his best. I loved the truthfulness of the down-and-out despairing stories and characters as well as their occasional hopefulness


The doctor character as MC (Washington Post, Thomas Floyd)

By the second half I was deeply roused. Not a happy or triumphant way to bring in the New Year; something better than that — a remembering, a refusal to stop looking at what’s happening through the lens of historical fiction: two reviews from the New York Times: Ben Brantley; same writer‘ for The Guardian, much more critical, but recognizing something deeply from within American culture, Alexis Soloski; the Irish Times.


Ensemble moment

We remembered our last year at the Kennedy Center with Jim, which I find I described here on this blog in 2013: “Elvis has left the building.”

Home again — both taxi drivers were friendly to us! About two hours after we got in, we sat down to steak and spaghetti and I have drunk half of one of three bottles of champagne that have been sitting in a cupboard for 11 years — since Jim died. The bottle was not so hard to open up after all. Main force and a scissor completed the work.

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Cover illustration for the New Yorker for 2023 by Bianca Bangarelli — it’s how I bring in and out many days & nights of my life

In these New Year’s Eve blogs or postings/memories, one is expected to answer questions, like what was the best or your favorite book or movie or play. I just saw the question, What was my favorite moment of this year? I cannot answer such a question; it presupposes joy as some kind of regular recurrence. Joy is now twice gone from me: gone with Jim’s death, and now reinforced with Clarycat’s …
I do feel tired and admit this was the saddest Christmas and New Year’s I’ve had since the year Jim died. I have this feeling of wanting to do less, reach for less, but what I do do genuinely take real pleasure in. To slow down. I don’t want to stop traveling altogether but that the trips I take be genuinely meaningful. Now that I am so aware of Ian as a personality by my side, I am also very reluctant to leave him unless I feel for sure I’ll have a good time or need to go. He and I are getting closer.

But there is something else working its way through me — culminating this year in the loss of Clary. I want to think about why I do what I do. I want to get my priorities accurate. What shall I do about these blogs? I want to see some way to feel secure until my death. And, yes, recognize that my age will make me dependent on one or both of my daughters way down the line (I hope way down).

Thus to me this year was no transcendent book or movie or play, though I entered into (read, watched) some superlatively fine ones, which justified to me living on, experiences I felt on offer to live for and for trying to share them with others. I carried on trying to be a mother-friend to my younger daughter, Isobel. I am not going to make a listicle (as my older daughter ironically calls these, while she is paid very well for doing such). Going together (me and Izzy) to Somerville College, Oxford, and the experience there and some of what we knew in London was probably our highpoint; for me Clary’s death that which I cannot recover from, the year’s deep grief.

As to sheer enjoyment (sort of inexplicable except I do love literary allusive books to other books I’ve loved) I have been loving the Dorothy Sayers’ Wimsey/Harriet Vane books, and both TV series (Ian Carmichael and Edward Petheridge/Harriet Walter) — she is entertaining to me (literary deeply) and her life as told buy two biographies (I’m going to begin a third soon). I am so stimulated and feel so guilty that I did not begin to know and understand American literature, especially of the African-American type. I carry on my feminist literary studies, though I now realize my understanding of the word feminist is now not part of any public group …

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It’s nearly midnight just now. I fell asleep trying to watch another episode of the 6th season of The Crown but did finally manage, the 8th episode, The Ritz. This is the hour during which Margaret has three strokes; we trace her journey towards death while she remembers one night in 1945, the ending of World War Two, May 8th when she and Elizabeth went to the Ritz and Lilibet ended up in the basement doing some wild dancing with the people celebrating down there. The fireworks are starting and I hear the booming of the rockets. Another year gone, and a dangerous one to come.

My best friend, Ian, is on my lap pushing his body against mine, his head against my head

The Girl from the North ended on this song which I send along to you gentle reader, for all of us:

Ellen

On wanting to be haunted ….

On mantelpiece Clarycat’s urn w/her ashes near Jim’s, on one side her favorite toy, on the other a stuffed sheep bought at Stonehenge (family holiday, in London, & then Somerset); behind these things, a square holder with an impression of Clary’s front paws; the a literal dish she ate from, & then her heart-shaped tag. I even have a certificate for her death.

Friends and readers,

I now think Clarycat’s death is only now beginning to sink in. That she is gone forever. She had a distinct personality; she accompanied me around the house each morning as I did morning chores (making my bed, tidying up, renewing water in water bowls, snacks in a plate Clary would eat from that Izzy made for her and Ian many years ago. I’d find her snuggled up against me in the night. I used to say she thought I was another cat as she’d lick me a lot. I don’t want to adopt/buy new kittens for a while as I think I would not respond to them now — it’s too soon.

Thursday late afternoon I brought home Clarycat’s urn, her ashes in it. An impression of her two front paws, a death certificate (it’s much prettier than Jim’s which is more in the vein of a scannable document).

I had nothing like these relics when Llyr died. They help assuage grief, which in my case is more visceral than it was for Jim — I cry far more freely. I remember Clary’s particular behaviors whose memory I now cherish. I loved her so, she never judged me or expected boasting (as so many people do). No subtexts, no mysteries about our social life together. She is not here any more.

Ian is behaving in ways that shows he is made anxious, upset by Clary’s vanishing. Yesterday when we went to that Thanksgiving dinner (gone 3 hours), he looked so worried, rocking back and forth. In September he acted out because Clary was no longer a companion, but at least she was there. Now he is sticking close and when in other rooms cries out for attention. He stayed at a distance the last weeks of her life. I didn’t see the analogy between her and Jim until that last day: both died of cancer, both painfully thin and unable to hold up their bodies anymore. In a way I was able to be kinder to her; we didn’t have to wait the last painful days/hours out.

A Trollope listserv friend has reminded me that Dorothy Sayers is one of those women who lived in Mecklenberg Square — the center of Francesca Wades very absorbing and intelligent Square Haunting. I’ve taken it down to read the section again. Haunting is an apt word I now realize. The place is haunted by those who once lived there. I’m now realizing why at this time of year people do turn to ghost stories — we are haunted by the memories of those who’ve gone — their absent presences. I am thinking about Margaret Oliphant too — her powerful ghost stories. She wanted to be haunted by those she loved who had died befoe her. I would like to be haunted by Clarycat.

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The Cat’s Song by Marge Piercy

Mine, says the cat, putting out his paw of darkness.
My lover, my friend, my slave, my toy, says
the cat making on your chest his gesture of drawing
milk from his mother’s forgotten breasts.

Let us walk in the woods, says the cat.
I’ll teach you to read the tabloid of scents,
to fade into shadow, wait like a trap, to hunt.
Now I lay this plump warm mouse on your mat.

You feed me, I try to feed you, we are friends,
says the cat, although I am more equal than you.
Can you leap twenty times the height of your body?
Can you run up and down trees? Jump between roofs?

Let us rub our bodies together and talk of touch.
My emotions are pure as salt crystals and as hard.
My lusts glow like my eyes. I sing to you in the mornings
walking round and round your bed and into your face.

Come I will teach you to dance as naturally
as falling asleep and waking and stretching long, long.
I speak greed with my paws and fear with my whiskers.
Envy lashes my tail. Love speaks me entire, a word

of fur. I will teach you to be still as an egg
and to slip like the ghost of wind through the grass.


Dancing Cats — by Susan Herbert

Ellen

I say very little that’s cheerful, so …


One of today’s books whose subtitle should be Rape, Class & Gender in late 18th century NYC

Dear friends and readers,

Prompted by the cheerful news that the gov’t will not shutdown for the next couple of months:  that on my mind, with my 2 basic income streams secured for now, I I gave into myself and for Izzy and I for New Year’s Eve have bought for the day time tickets for us to see a new musical, Dylan Thomas & Conor McPherson, Girl from North Country. For myself I signed up for 2 online courses from Politics and Prose, 3 sessions of Dorothy Sayers and 8 of Austen (the 4 finished novels) by teachers who are good at teaching and women I like — plus bought books for Sayers as I discovered I have no decent copies of precisely the 3 Kara Keeling chose. It’s Maria Frawley for the Austen. I bought Izzy’s two Christmas presents books (biography of Edith Hamilton and the latest Mary Beard, lovely hardback books — these cost less than the kindles or paperbacks).

I now have four theater events for this coming season/month and will go to all of them by public transportation. Izzy and I agreed to go New Year’s Eve by public transportation (cab, Metro, shuttle bus) — see above splurge. We take a cab on Dec 23rd to the nearby Signature theater in the evening to see Ragtime; we have not made up our minds for the Folger Shakespeare’s Winter’s Tale (it is the play) whether cab or train and cabs. The one event I’ll go with the OLLI at Mason women (Quilters somewhere in remote Fairfax) I’ll go by cab and back by one of the women driving me to the Metro station and from King Street a cab. I shall still use my car but for things like I’m doing today.

Today I am heading out for the Whole Foods Market at 10 am because yesterday when I attempted it yesterday at 4 I found the sun in my eyes way too much, the crowds way too much too. For me long trips by car are over for good.

I want to remark how wonderful excellent is the Washington Post Book World. Each week good and uplifting and intelligent too essays — this week a book on an owl, on Anthony Hecht’s poetry come to mind. For myself I carry on with Sibilla Aleramo’s astonishing A Woman (Una Donna) – a kind of portrait of the artist as a trapped wife until she escapes (like Joyce); two books on mother-daughter pairs across literature; biography of Steinbeck (John, whom I’m getting to dislike very much);  Hilary Mantel Pieces, beginning again Victorian women, as in Geraldine Jewsbury and Annie Thackeray Ritchie, Jane Carlyle; and re-watching the film adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay …  And every day with great patience Dickens’s Little Dorrit.  Learning about Disability in 19th century novels from Clare Walker Gore’s insightful book.

Clarycat was better today, eating, drinking, using the litter box when she could. She tottered about. I think she’s now at rest for the rest of the night. This morning she was doing her old routine of climbing onto my bed and sitting by me as I read – what I do the first couple of hours in the morning (and last hour at night listening then to WETA the third hour of quiet classical music. I wish she could look out the window but there’s no way unless she can sit on a bench or on a table in a cat-bed and she tumbles.

The one thing I don’t forget today — is my awareness of the continued slaughter of Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank. Yesterday I phoned all three of my congressional representatives, wrote again to PBS to deplore their inadequate coverage of this genocidal destruction — though I concede they are improving, they had Malcolm Brabant equating demonstrations on behalf of ceasefire, the Palestinians with anti-semitism (I wrote them condemning him for that).  I am no joiner, no demonstrator, so what else can I do but these kinds of things and my blogs


Charlotte Heywood (Rose Williams) — a favorite still from Sanditon, Season 2 off to work, by the seashore

Ellen

A public service announcement! Covid on the rise; a new good feminist magazine, Liber


Home Kit (a Getty image)

I’m having also a bit of an existential crisis: I’m running out of new teachable topics (topics this kind of student body will accept as relevant to them or important). I can’t drive at night, don’t drive as well during the day.  I’m facing how stressful for me is traveling alone and that the conferences I land in are often not worth it — sometimes they are, this summer’s Trollope conference was.  But all too rare.   I could try Road Scholar again.  JASNA for Izzy’s sake but doubt I’d find acceptance). But fundamentally as trips take only a small time, unless I can keep my daily studies and quiet activities with congenial others up, what shall I do with my widowed life?

Dear friends and readers,

I’ve not written any new blogs since my first two on Izzy and my trip to Somerville College, Oxford and London.  She and I became very sick with a (watch for the word) horrendous respiratory infection or maybe it’s just a nasty tenacious virus shortly after we arrived home. Both of us now have sore left flanks from sore muscles left over coughing pathways. She had a light fever the first couple of days, and I have had bad trouble sleeping. She kicked her foot so bad at one point, it swelled up. I’ve lost more weight. We’ve had two Covid tests, one a home kit, and one expensive one at Kaiser: results negative. The virus is not killing us but I believe in the power of a virus to do just that. We’ve been to Kaiser at Falls Church, at Springfield, at Tysons Corner. We give up and are accepting the medications by mail. Izzy does video visits.

So this blog is a public service announcement: when out in a crowd, or crowded room, wear your mask. Never mind if you are among a minority or the only person. Anything is better than this misery — in my case it has not turned into pneumonia (which it could’ve), but bottles of steroids, antibiotics and cough suppressants are feeble against its power. I’ve not written that third blog on Izzy and my trip in early September because I have been trying to start teaching, beginning one of four reviews, and read on in both women’s mysteries and American literature (for a coming spring course to be taught hybrid fashion). I nap in the afternoon, watch (to me) pleasurable movies at night.

As soon as Izzy and I are well enough — we are better tonight — we will head out for our vaccinations against flu for this year, RWVP and a Covid booster. We go to Kaiser, but you can go to your local pharmacy and if you have insurance, the insurance will pay; if you don’t, the federal gov’t will.

I’m calling this a public service announcement and not putting it on my political blog. A pandemic, an epidemic, people getting sick and needing help and good advice should not be a political issue; it is a social issue yes, and a centrally medical one. Two of my favorite sub-stack newsletter writers so regard it: Heather Cox Richardson and Robert Reich. Remember climate break-up includes the extinction of species and plants; that all the earth’s creatures are criss-crossing where they once did not, and new diseases are forming and spreading.

Here are a few stories:

From The Nation: “The ‘You Do You’ Pandemic by Gregg Gonsalves

From NBC News: one way to measure this rise is wastewater

From the New Yorker: “Best Shots” or “The Covid Bump” by Dhruv Khullar

A selection of moments from 2022

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While I’m at it, i.e., writing a blog by referring to good local journalism and periodical magazines and newsletters, newspapers, I’d like briefly to recommend subscribing to Liber: A Feminist Review, the contemporary replacement of Women’s Review of Books, which has at last died.

This month despite another awful cover (this periodical is not decorated with my taste in mind), Liber boasts a number of good articles: On Ani Franco (so now I know why Laura adopted part of her nom de plume when 13 from this singer, on Roz Chast’s art and life; on The Female Gaze by Michael Dango as reviewed by Debbie Stoller who persists in asserting that Madonna’s sexual act was not the result of trying to please men, but something she enjoyed and therefore liberating — against three generations of people who respond that it is sell out — in these terms the Barbie movie is liberating because she is what women want to be and do — if only she were not plastic. There is an article-review on Jenni Nuttall’s Mother Tongue: The Surprising History of Women’s Words by Annie Finch (poet and critic) on how words are used by men to reflect men’s attitudes and how masculine POVs work to repress women’s desires and instincts. The way we give birth is defined passively, we are deprived of agency there too. There is an argument (again based on a book, Gwendola Ricordeau’s Free Them All, “Women at the Gates” by Rachel Dewoskin that mass incarceration does not make women safer (they rarely report violence for they rightly fear the system); the penal system overtly harms women. A couple of good novels are reviewed. There’s poetry from the isolation of the pandemic (Marilyn Hacker), and a short story. This from someone (me) who reacted violently against the first column for this month’s issue: a woman who says how she loved her Barbie doll … what could have been wrong with her is not what I asked myself, but rather confessed to myself I was never “with it.”

See the covers and reviews here. These I like. Indeed they are quietly superb. Like other good journals of our time, the on-line presence of Liber can offer more than the printed booklet. One of the covers for just one of many insightful and informative reviews.

Ellen

Izzy finishes Gorey’s Pomegranates; Clara Tornvall, The Autists: Women on the Spectrum; and Dorothy Sayers’ Lord Peter, Bunter & Harriet


Gorey’s Pomegranates:  I know it’s blurry and dark, but still invite all to find all the cats you can — there are many unexpected ones

A Going Away Blog

Dear friends and readers,

As you can see, Izzy finished her puzzle, and she is thinking that she will return to one of the game stores that have filled a new place in the Springfield Mall, to find a new and third one. This is the kind of picture one feels one could do for hours, and yet feel time collapse into nothingness so absorbed can one become making this picture. In these pictures is the pleasure of re-making a wonderful picture in a new medium — see Margaret Drabble’s wonderful memoir with Jigsaws.

Drabble does relaxed research on jigsaws and we learn a lot about them and children’s games. Are they a game? I think so: you are working against the puzzle maker. You achieve something when all the pieces are in place. I do have a method: first you make the frame and then you work on different portions of the picture. Of course the puzzle maker makes this second step hard. Since the competition is at a distance, it’s relaxed and you have aesthetic pleasure putting the puzzle together.

This leads her to childhood, its history because puzzles begin as learning tools: that’s how rich and middle class children learned their geography: maps were dissected puzzles. Drabble finds the history begins in the Renaissance but spreads in the later 18th century, when childhood became something to create for a child.

A woman was a modern researcher into and collector of puzzles, Linda Hannas. Who invented them? Apparently it was a later 17th century French novelist whose main subject is education: Anne Louise Elie de Beaumont.

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As part of going off on our trip to England, I’ve been reading and rereading strong book on autism: Clara Tornall’s The Autists: women on the Spectrum.


Clara Tornvall

It’s hard to recapture or convey the experience of the book, because it treats of autism from a highly varied and often quick-moving POV, appears to move from topic to topic by association, and only gradually do you see (or invent) a structure or pattern for the part of the book one has just read and how it relates to the previous. Tornvall begins with how invisible most autistic people are unless over-pointed to, from there on, “The Invisibles,” to too much faith in mere words and categories. Early on she tackles the subject of females and says there has been little diagnosis because the criteria used come from studying men. Now she’s part of the effort to retrieve women. Her portraits of earlier or modern famous women nd gay people, she pronounces autistic (Lewis Carroll, Simone Weil, Emily Dickinson are among the literati) are useful because then she has a idiosyncratic (as we all are) concrete person to describe. She weaves her own story in — of a failed marriage (how hard they tried).

What makes it such a relief and filled with so many accurate truths is Tornvall’s lack of hypocrisy. She really shows how these gov’t agencies supposedly set up to help an autistic person get a job, let alone a good one, can do nothing but send you on a round of form filling out; she shows the frustration autistic people experience when they are confronted by the interviewer’s (professional’s) false faith in this or that nostrum. I could read it over and over; it makes me feel better because it validates my own experience and I recognize so much. The reviews of Tornvall’s book that I’ve read praise it highly but like so many reviews use general evasive words with an optimistic tone — not she.

Travel is one experience autistic people find hard to do — and it’s left-out of Tornvall’s book as also doing vacations, being a tourist. so here’s my contribution to this gap (which I put on a face-book page mentioned below for late diagnosis, self-identification autism):

I am all alone — husband dead and no friends to go with me. My daughter who lives with me will not come with me to rent a beach house or place in a hotel. I also have trouble finding places; it is an anxiety-ordeal for me to travel and I need her to come with me to navigate and do the technology. I may say staying put is what I want, But, like many other people, I like to go to interesting and beautiful places, meet old and make new friends, participate in activities other members of my “tribe” love — like reading and talking about a favorite author I’ve read so much. I like to get away to relax and the beach, admittedly in a more cool place, has its allure. Admittedly I have a hard time relaxing.

I miss my house, my books, my sense of deep security, which I need for peace of mind. I worry about this place and my cats.  I could travel with my husband because I trusted him so implicitly. I asked on a face-book page dedicated to later diagnosed, and self-identifying autistic people — so mostly older — how they feel about travel and got very similar responses to my own.https://tinyurl.com/4u42fnur

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Edward Petheridge and Harriet Walter in an exaggerated dance scene

One person who was not autistic was Dorothy Sayers (read Barbara Reynolds’s delightful recreation from intimate letters and actual knowledge of one another), and I’ve been reading the best of her books this summer (Gaudy Night, Nine Tailors, Five Red Herrings), and in the late evening whiling away my time watching first the newer series with Edward Petheridge and Harriet Walter (who as a couple just charmed me), and now the older one, which don’t under-rate is truly fine once you adjust yourself to the older dramaturgy. Carmichael’s is a subtler performance of a man in masks than is realized until he’s watched for real as presented differently in the different books — underneath the Bertie Wooster exterior for disguise, a hard angry Lord Peter in Murder Must Advertise; mellow and genial in Five Red Herrings, somehow interwoven into the religious sublimity and immersion in English landscape, history, church architecture and an idealization of class hierarchies that is Nine Tailors. It’s in the earlier series that the allusions and themes that hark back to Sayers’s serious literary efforts (medieval English poetry, Dante translations) are found.


Glyn Houston and Ian Carmichael as man and master, one painting, the other fishing — in the later and eariier series the servants are seen to eat the same exquisite viands as the aristocrats ….

In her introduction to Gaudy Night, Harriet Walter (a fine writer in her own right, see her Brutus and Other Heroines: Playing Shakespeare’s role for women, about her time in an all-woman cast) suggests that gradually Lord Peter became the ideal man of Sayers’s dreams, and that she married him off to her alter ego. Why is it not cloying? because they are characterized so wittily, she is so evasive and stand-offish, he so achingly in love and yet more than a little homosexual. One of the little noticed themes in the books, which does come out in the earlier series, comes from the presence of pairs of lesbians and homoerotic relationships between men (Bunter and Peter). Everything continually undercut. And at the same time, humane escape.

They are deeply pleasurable books and deeply pleasurable serial adaptations. No need to travel anywhere at all but in your imagination — you do need a DVD player because to see them properly you need the re-digitalized versions (which in the case of the older series comes with a very intelligent interview of Carmichael), and it is so much more enjoyable if you have a beautiful real book.

Ellen

We are now looking forward to our trip to the UK


Izzy on a San Diego beach, at the ComicCon, San Diego, a week ago or so

Dear Friends and readers,

It was lonely hard week for me when Izzy was away because the stress over the seemingly stalled passport kept mounting, to the point I felt some kind of chemical coursing through my body night and day, my limbs felt weak at times, a pit of anxiety in my stomach. But I was much cheered to watch Izzy from afar. Since there was a strike, there were far fewer people at the conference, and Laura got to stay with Izzy in her double room, and Izzy got to get into far more panels and an extra long day at the conference itself. She attended both Critical Choice sessions: she was thrilled. They ate out with ease, toured a little. They took a ferry over to an island, which is a separate city; there’s a hotel there she and Izzy and I could stay at and go to the beach — as they did, a la Sanditon I thought and dreamed.

She was home late Monday night but got up very early on Tuesday and looked at the place on the Passport agency site for “cases” and lo and behalf hers was labelled “shipped” and “in transit.” Oh the relief. From then on it was looking every 12 hours to be told things like “Arizona Distribution Center” and then “in transit” to “Dulles Airport;” once there “shipped” to Alexandria Post office.” Then Thursday morning around 10 another cardboard envelope such as I got my passport — it has privacy warnings, a number, “official gov’t documents.” I broke out with Jabberwocky, O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! She chortled in her Joy!”
and then scanned it in and put it next to mine. Per Laura’s advice, both passports, vaccination cards, TSA documents are in handy folders. I’ve now scanned in our social security cards and my medicare card.


My vision of Mrs Askerton — Olivia Williams playing Jane Austen looking at copies of books in the Prince Regents’ Library

So I began serious work on the coming paper. I finished the delightful short Belton Estate, and turned to The Way We Live Now as my second of three books: it has a wealth of intriguing (interesting and transgressive) women. I will also be teaching it this fall so this cuts down work by half. My third text will be The Duke’s Children where my focus will be Lady Mabel Grex, a sort of Jamesian character who rejected Silverbridge condescendingly and then was desperate to marry him because she wanted someone. It’s her affair with Francis Tregear that interests me. In each case it’s the marginalized back story of each of these women, or their friendships with one another I’ll be delving into.


Anna Carteret as Lady Mabel Grex


Miranda Otto as Mrs Hurtle

I love the two film adaptations of these novels and will bring to bear upon Trollope’s story matter interpretations I find in Andrew Davies and Simon Raven (less so). Having seen Oppenheimer, I will be paying more attention to Cillian Murphy as Paul Montague …

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It’s been a successful if genuinely superhot and stressful summer thus far. I said The Heroine’s Journey went over spectacularly well at OLLI at AU; if possible Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters pleased yet more and the class itself was so enjoyable for all. I am looking forward to a similarly beautifully busy and consoling fall — for its consolation as the loss of Jim stays with me more vividly and strongly than ever.

I’ve gone out with a few friends to lunch, movies, plays, a concert and repeatedly museum shows.

I’ve joined a couple of these clubs at OLLI at Mason: a poetry reading group (online, every other Monday morning), a Wednesday after chat group; if I lived further in Fairfax I’ll join an in person one but the places met are deep in Fairfax, hard for me to find, time-consuming to get there. I’ll still be teaching online myself this fall; it’s next spring I shall venture forth once again, at OLLI at AU in person (it’ll be recorded) and at OLLI at Mason, a hybrid (so as to try to keep all those friends and newcomers who live outside the catchment area).

A small but significant (for me) and continual irritant just now is this nightmare farce of a Barbie movie hailed as feminist, or in contemporary terms, whatever you want it to be. The doll is toxic for women: an impossible body as part of the pressures that lead to anorexia, bulimia, self-hatred; I note the latest ones no longer have that look of joyful compliance on their faces, but their glamor clothes and whole stance tells of the erasure of the original goals of liberation and socialist feminism — sexed up power and capitalism. I wish I had a picture of a young woman endlessly vomiting from bulimia over the Barbie paraphernalia, but this old New Yorker cartoon will have to do for me:

A few very good essays on this: Becca Rothfield; Leslie Jamieson on Barbie as a self-punishing icon; Katha Pollit, the message you can do anything you want as long as you’re gorgeous while doing it. I recall that Trump’s daughter Ivanka had heavy painful surgery on her face (jaw broke, nose redone), breast surgery to remake herself into a Trump Barbie doll (all his women look like this doll); from the Guardian, obsessive Barbie behavior; Greta Gertwig’s Art of Selling Out. I bought for my daughters, the American girl dolls; Laura had a Molly, and Isobel a Samantha, complete with books about the eras they are set in, clothes, toys.


Molly McIntire supposed a girl of the 1940s (an Irish rose)


Samantha Parkington (as in the early 20th century child’s classic Booth Parkington) supposed a girl of the turn of the 19th into early 20th century

I realized these dolls were equally obsessive over image and now status (snobbery — the dolls were expensive and from upper class environments, the first ones all white) — they were a substitute which I hoped gave my daughters a healthy age- and body-appropriate imaginative presence to befriend.

We had a bad power outage tonight: all lights were off from 5 pm until 2 am after a super-hot day, but as you can see electricity is back and I’m re-grounding and calming myself. I hope to go out with women friends to a few more movies or museum shows and lunch over August. I’ll end on this favorite poem for me, Marge Piercy’s poem to a friendship

Morning Athletes

For Gloria Nardin Watts [a friend of Piercy’s]

Most mornings we go running side by side
two women in mid-lives jogging, awkward
in our baggy improvisations, two
bundles of rejects from the thrift shop.
Men in their zippy outfits run in packs
on the road where we park, meet
like lovers on the wood’s edge and walk
sedately around the corner out of sight
to our own hardened clay road, High Toss.

Slowly we shuffle, serious, panting
but talking as we trot, our old honorable
wounds in knee and back and ankle paining
us, short, fleshy, dark haired, Italian
and Jew, with our full breasts carefully
confined. We are rich earthy cooks
both of us and the flesh we are working
off was put on with grave pleasure. We
appreciate each other’s cooking, each
other’s art, photographer and poet, jogging
in the chill and wet and green, in the blaze
of young sun, talking over our work,
our plans, our men, our ideas, watching
each other like a pot that might boil dry
for that sign of too harsh fatigue.

It is not the running I love, thump
thump with my leaden feet that only
infrequently are winged and prancing,
but the light that glints off the cattails
as the wind furrows them, the rum cherries
reddening leaf and fruit, the way the pines
blacken the sunlight on their bristles,
the hawk flapping three times, then floating
low over beige grasses,
and your company
as we trot, two friendly dogs leaving
tracks in the sand. The geese call
on the river wandering lost in sedges
and we talk and pant, pant and talk
in the morning early and busy together

Izzy is working on this Gorey Puzzle: Pomegranate (can you discern the various cats?) — all pastels

Ellen

I on myself must try to live


My daughter, Laura, at the National Building Museum, earlier this week

for there is no help for it. This is my 11th summer without him, the 5th since I can no longer drive at night. I can’t go far by myself — and have no stomach for it any more. It’s true that Jim having been cut off from fulfillments of older age, so am I. Tonight it rained and thundered and there is still lightning, I went out, walked round the block as in a circle, all the houses are lit, more people home than usual (it said on the news how crowded roads and airports are) or seeming so. I left my teeth off, counting on meeting no one, my shawl over my old clothes, my bedroom ballet slippers … an old woman walking alone I’ve become one of those women I used to see walking on the streets of NYC when I was young.

Dear friends and readers,

Remember my proposal to give a paper on Intriguing Women in Trollope at Somerville College, Oxford, between Sept 1-3 this year, and plan to go to London afterwards, all with Izzy, and visit the International War Museum, take in a play. Well I’ve been rereading Jane Nardin’s excellent (clearly written) He Knew She Was Right. The book is about Trollope breaking away from conventional and patriarchal views of women and in the latter part of his career depicting unconventional women sympathetically. Nardin writes is insightful in the intricacies of her arguments. This past week too I learned there is an overt homosexual man in Trollope’s oeuvre: Archie Clavering, and he is treated so obnoxiously by the other characters, and made a butt by Trollope so shamefully, it’s distressing. I have in my readings in archives come across real homosexual men in diaries and they are hidden in plain sight by their families so as to make them marriageable and safe — not boasted about but not ridiculed. Important sources for The Claverings include the 18th century iconoclastic sexually candid plays by Van Brugh, The Provok’d wife and The Provok’d Husband I’ve a chapter on this in my book, Trollope on the Net.

Well we are in a pickle (sometimes to me it’s a nightmare) and our trip to Oxford and then London in early September now uncertain. Izzy goofed on that application we sent in for her. She made it out in blue ink; we got back an email telling us she must make it out again in black ink but they did not send the old passport back or previous application. We did not think to scan in that old one with all the information so she can’t make out the new form since she doesn’t know the number of the book or its issue date. I’ve been on the phone three times and was told the congressman’s aides can do nothing until either 3 months after we first applied (April 29th) or 2 weeks before we are set to leave. People wouldn’t listen to me on the phone. I wanted advice: should we send the form without it being wholly made out and with a letter explain they have this information we don’t and either fill it out themselves or send back the old passport. No one will answer. Finally someone answered an email of Izzy’s who is in this congressman’s office (Don Beyer) and said he is now working on this and has begun the process with the agency but he can guarantee nothing. I tried to reach him on the phone but did not. I told our story to another aide emphasizing Izzy’s autism, and how nervous and tense we were that morning doing these applications. This is causing me great agony of mind.

Can you imagine what federal gov’t would be if Trump had had a 3rd term, or if he were re-elected. Nothing functioning; everything up for bribes after you “know” someone.

Finally we got some material from the state department (with a special envelope and case number) but again they do not return the old passport or application. So she filled it out as far as she could in black ink, and added a letter explaining why we don’t have the old passport book number or date issued, asking them to finish filling it out (as they do) or send all back again with needed information. All this takes time.

I did goof on the airplane too. I was unclear and now we land a day ahead. I have us to stay until September 8th, but if she cannot come with me I shall not go alone. I cannot face it. I did get my new passport and scanned it and her and my drivers’ licenses. So I may bow out of this conference which I did want to give a paper at. It is all too much for me. Loss of $4800 for the non-refundable tickets. This is the biggest haul the airlines have had from me since Jim died, and if I don’t get to go, it will be the last plane tickets I ever buy.

Each day on the Internet I read of this conference or that here and there (ISECS just now in Rome!), where people are going, and I remember how Jim and I for a couple of summers in NYC would drive on Tues/Thurs mornings at 9:30 to Jones Beach with our dog LLyr, bring coffee, croissants, a corner where dogs were allowed and stay for an hour and one half. The drive each way 40 minutes. Llyr would rush into the water and I would go in with her and play longer. Jim sat under an umbrella; he’d swim too.

There is no public beach near here closer than 3-4 hours. Here in Virginia all lakes are exclusive and membership price very high — so too do they have these in DC; I’ve learned of them since teaching at OLLI at AU.

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Hydrangeas (I’m told is the name) and ferns — one pink!

I bit the bullet and hired (for not that much less than the plane tickets) two black guys, tree people, and they came with a crew, and did a lot of work in my front yard and along the sides of the house. Among other things they injected the buses and flowers with some mighty compounds, mulched, fertilized, added ferns, but best of all I now realize they cut back the trees that overhang my property all along the right side. Asocial utterly selfish neighbors I’ve had over the years plant their trees at the edge of my property and then don’t cut them back. This is the second or third time I’ve let a group of guys cut back severely in a kind of line. What I didn’t realize was not only more sun would come in during the day, but in evening a plot that seemed to be only shady except the very earliest dawn is now in early evening. So here is the right side of my house — one half the plot they worked on; the other half is ferns and hydrangeas with the bouquets of white flowers at the end.

My teaching has gone very well this summer: people seemed really to enjoy The Heroine’s Journey with me (23 people), and a similar experience is emerging in the Gaskell Wives and Daughters class (25, though 40 registered). I am just loving her books; I’ve just re-watched the first part of Andrew Davies’s beautiful serial adaptation, for an umpteenth time. I’m rereading her Life of Bronte for the first time in decades. How powerful it is. It is made up heavily of Charlotte’s letters once she grows older; as I read of the deaths of Emily and Anne I thought of Jim’s death and how I watched over him in his agony of mind when not deeply drugged against the pain.

Thus far I’ve attended one class in person this summer. I’m told that those that are in person are again having trouble getting more than 6 to attend. I do miss the pizza parties they used to have at OLLI at AU.

After I wrote two blogs on Jane Austen sequels and Janice Hadlow’s The Other Bennet Sister a distant (by space) friend sent me Charlie Lovett’s First Impressions: A Novel of Old Books, Unexpected Love and Jane Austen (I may have his Bookman’s Tale somewhere in the house) and will soon start it.

You see I finished the beautifully titled Howards End is on the Landing by Susan Hill. I have a love-hate relationship with her: I’ve loved a number of her books (not just The Woman in Black, but also In the Springtime of the Year, her Various Haunts of Men made me intensely anxious) but every time I read something she says in her own voice, I dislike her. So too here: I found myself bonding, learning from, interested in her love of certain books, why she’d reread this and not that, as a book about book reading so satisfying, but depart from this and she begin to offer her reasons for her values (not the values themselves) and I was turned off. but individual sections are worth consulting: for example, on book titles, how important, they must be appealing; how: an inner pattern, rhythms, capturing a theme or place; with a list of these (p 10), her own chapter headings exemplifying what she writes.

What else shall I say? Izzy has just risen from her early evening nap. My Clarycat is slowly getting better: she is lively all day, sits near me, trots round my chair, sits on my lap leaning against my chest while I eat; she can climb up on the desk and kitchen table once again, and jump down lightly to chair and floor. She eats a lot though so thin, drinks, uses her litter box and cleans herself though her coat is not smooth any more. She must be careful and still has problems going where she wants (her body pushes left when she wants to go right), bangs against walls. It is good I scarcely ever leave her.


Said to be Virginia Woolf’s Sappho (1947), of course it’s not — look how the birds are unafraid

How shall I end? I’ve this two weeks read a brilliantly witty, suggestive literary biography of a once famous 18th century writer, Richard Steele; it’s by Calhoun Winton (now 96): no one writes books this way in academia any more. He made me understand Steele to some extent, taught me about the milieu deeply, brought out how Steele lived, what were his finest works (the periodical essays). I ended respecting the man. All this because I’m reviewing a badly written (the jargon sentences make me blink) on captivity as everywhere in the 18th century (there’s legal as well as physical) and the author wants me to read The Conscious Lovers as about colonialism: it does have a heroine who I now realize might be a mulatto, an Indiana (played by Anne Oldfield at the time — who also played the leading roles in the Van Brugh plays I cited above). Steele owned slaves in the West Indies — from marrying as his first wife a very wealthy woman. Who knew? One source of his wealth.


A modern sexed-up conception of the 18th century play as played by 18th century actors …

Well I’m watching and re-watching Sanditon, getting to know it, getting to like it more and more and realize how in several ways what we are told about Austen’s Miss Lambe in those 12 chapters when we first meet her makes parallels to Steele’s heroine. I don’t think Andrew Davies began by reading this play, but he is probably much more steeped in 18th century literature then he gives away (he adapted Cleveland’s book, Defore’s Moll Flanders), but it’s fascinating to how some the peculiarities of Sidney’s relationship with Miss Lambe when we first meet them are analogous or similar.

The Conscious Lovers was first staged in 1722, it was the most popular play across the century, lasting well into the 1790s. In the play she is being (idealistically) kept by the hero of the play, Bevil Junior, who is having sex with her, who wants to marry her first. Maybe Austen had in mind that Sidney Parker would be involved with Miss Lambe, Sidney’s “virtue” or goodness that slowly emerges is seen in how she is boarded with a school of girls: he is protecting her reputation. The attempt to claw away her inheritance in the third season has parallels with this and other colonialist literature of the 18th century.


Solly McLeod mesmerized, Sophie Wilde eager, unsure as Tom and Sophie

Should Davies have worked the story so that the pair we were at first going to end up with were Theo James and Crystal Clarke. Imagine it …


The way Nikki Amuka-Bird was dressed as Lady Russell (Persuasion 2022) would be appropriate for Indiana

Indiana was always played by a white woman and usually the big star of the year: Anne Oldfield first played the part, but like the heroine of the recent Tom Jones, where just a few changes in Sophia’s background turned her into a mulatto, daughter of a white man and enslaved black woman. As a side comment, whether Austen ever mentioned The conscious Lovers or not, it’s improbable she didn’t know it. A number of the values underlying “true love” (respect, esteem, knowledge of the other party) are part of the discourse in CL. So there you learned something about the 18th century without having to travel to Rome.

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Oh hope very hard for Izzy and I she gets her passport back in time — or just back, we’ll settle for just back. To tell the truth I don’t know if I’m up to getting proper lodgings for Izzy and I — the way we have made a mess of what we’ve done thus far, how we’ve felt about it, shows me it’s time perhaps to concede to the realities of autism. In my Women with Autism monthly zoom I’ve now met a number of women who find travel the same ordeal I do (and Izzy at times seems to)

Last book ordered and on its way: Clara Tornvall, The Autists: How Autism is expressed in Women or Women on the Spectrum.


A generic picture that appeals to me

Ellen

Summer begins — breathing in air that makes you sick; return to Gaskell


I thought maybe this still of Hattie Morahan as Elinor enduring on during summer might be appropriate (Sense and Sensibility, 2009, scripted Andrew Davies)

Dear friends and readers,

Summer has begun because my teaching has begun, and if I’m not mistaken, my first class at OLLI at AU for 4 weeks on The Heroine’s Journey has thus far gone very well. I’ve written my first letter to my coming class (less than 2 weeks) at OLLI at Mason, on what editions of Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters to get, two exquisitely good readings aloud of an unabridged text (Patricia Tomlinson, Nadia May) and the wondrous movie, and I was delighted two people on Trollope&Peers appear to be planning to read along! I have incontrovertible proof that last summer’s dismal numbers were due to people still in large numbers refusing to come in person, for I now have 30 people in The Heroine’s Journey (the texts to some as obscure as the texts for last summer); and an astounding 40 for Gaskell whose book, Wives & Daughters, cannot compete in known-ness, surface excitement and media triumphs (a couple of musicals, 3 film adaptations) of last summer’s Wilkie Collins’s Woman in White. Last summer I had 6-8 people at OLLI at AU which went down to 4 and then 2; 6 people at OLLI at Mason which went up to 13 registered 9-10 attending.

I am myself literally lonely — physically at home — though amidst kind and generous friends on the Internet so I’m doing things remotely for a fourth summer — virtual festivals (Hays, Yorkshire), virtual conferences (Elizabeth Gaskell). I read over half the office space for office workers that was once needed is now going unrented. Had this been the case the summer after Jim died, I would have been devastated — I built a sort of life before the pandemic which the present one is a morphed version of.

Maybe it’s for the best — because not only are there now daily massacres and killings (sometimes I fear some neighbor will shoot at me as I take my daily afternoon walk — or, worse, Izzy), but I became very sick two days ago and am still not over having had my body filled with deeply unhealthy air. Thousands of fires burning across Canada, sent smoke-filled air south as far as South Caroline, west too, and DC/Maryland/Virginia had the worst pollution ever experienced on record.

It’s no joke. The smoky burnt air is real, with little bits of stuff in it, and I have been having a major sinus attack/hay fever. I find wearing the KN95 mask in the house helps, a spray helps a tiny bit, the over-the-counter histamine, Claritin-D — I’ve taken 4 since yesterday afternoon. I’m filled with itchy liquid, my chest, face, nose pouring out, throat parched. My ears popped and were hot. I took a sleeping pill to sleep.  The air and I have improved over today but I am still not well, still parched and blowing my nose and coughing hard.

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I’ve made a good start overall for all my summer projects: I’m working on two reviews for publication, and have finished a third. I’ve finished reading Wives & Daughters silently to myself, and I loved it, and now am listening in my car (when I get a chance) to Patricia Tomlinson reading it aloud just magnificently. W&D is Tolstoyan, strongly feminist, a wondrous literary masterpiece. I accompanied it with Jenny Uglow’s equally moving brilliant book on Gaskell, reading her books closely sensitively imaginatively, A Habit of Stories, am onto criticism. Evenings I reveled in Cranford and the Return to Cranford and all of Sandy Welch’s North and South. So you might say I’m about ready to make that syllabus (Sunday) and send it to the class, to begin June 21st. I found both movies closely related, rooted in Gaskell’s life, dreams, strong ideas about gender identities transformed; my favorite character-actress still Anna Maxwell Martin as Bessie Higgins, with scenes of strong friendship with Margaret Hale (Daniela Denby-Ashe) and her father, Nicolas Higgins (Brenden Coyle)

Also reread Maria Tartar’s Heroine with 1001 Faces. I was so newly impressed by Tartar’s achievement I thought I’d share any reviews: they are all inadequate and (ironically) re-emphasize masculinist values — the book is also about another emphasis, re-nuanced values and norms. But I have found Tartar on video discussing her book. Is there anything not on video nowadays – yesterday I listened to Mary Beard on women and power and the effect of the continuation of pernicious classical tropes on our society today —

You see I am staying in mostly — for a fourth summer.

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I have met a couple of friends for time in museums — the National Gallery three times, with its Phillip Guston rooms and rooms; I admit I like his earlier more realistic art much better than the abstract expressionism, but the film where he talked of how he moved from one type of art to another (excuse the immodesty) reminded me of how I feel about my work, how I’ve developed a blog art, moved from studying one century to another, from the UK to Italy seriously, to post-colonialism in English books set in and about India (the Raj and its aftermath. This is only one small part of it, and not the most interesting (that was the inward man):

One afternoon a kindly friend, Adele, came over — from OLLI at Mason, an Englishwoman just my age, living in Reston. A rare treat for me. I made us a lovely lunch — if I do say myself. It required no cooking beyond emptying a jar of delicious homemade soup (feels like that) from Trader Joe’s, making a very plain salad & salad dressing, buying two kind of delicious traditional cheeses and bread. Then we watched the first episode of 4 of the 1999 Wives & Daughters on my DVD player attached to my computer (plays Region 2 DVDs). I was so cheered when both my cats joined us! even Ian who usually runs away, and poor Clarycat on my lap. It was all too short an afternoon — the best kind …

She will be in my class; it was educational for me to listen to how she reads the book and what she saw in the movie.

Not all goes that well at all. One afternoon was so fraught with tension (me masking myself, her irritated at me, tired of me I expect). After a few hours out with her, I was that exhausted and nerve-wracked that I became confused and stepped out into traffic! luckily I pulled myself back quickly enough. I just had felt bewildered by the stress. I held onto myself (so to speak) on the Metro ride and then driving myself back to my house when I opened up a small bottle of prosecco. It helped. But I needed a nap and for the rest of the evening and night could not do anything constructive. I am wondering what do others do to recover from social experiences? We are all probably having more of then now since we are said to be post-pandemic.

I should remember this kind of thing is as common with me as I listen to various people in my neighborhood having their summer parties on their very fancy lawns behind their super-expensive mansions. People’s laughter floating in the air. My tenth summer without my beloved, Jim.


Donal McCann as young Phineas Finn speaking to no purpose in Parliament (Pallisers, 1974)

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Have I covered everything that mattered over the last couple of weeks and weeks to come? My talk on Phineas Finn, “Words for Sale: Chapters 13-26,” went well, and here is where Dominic has put up the video and transcript and soon I will make a new blog for Trollope and Phineas — and Ralph the Heir, where I will discuss politics in Trollope.

Phineas Finn ~ Chapters 14-26

I’ve registered Izzy and I for Somerville College, Oxford, for September 1-2, for the conference we are to go to and this Sunday Laura will be over and we’ll rent a hotel in London for 4 days and book a plane! I reveled watching and re-watching and then blogging on the three Tom Jones movies.

My beloved pussycats grow closer and closer to me; Clarycat asserts herself in new ways; she sits against my chest as I eat breakfast and lunch. He is on my wave length a lot.

I attended another Poetry Reading Group online (a club) at OLLI at Mason, and my chosen poem was Elizabeth Bishop‘s One Art. It stood out among the choices as the deepest, most vivid, clearest, many-layered poem of grief and endurance:

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Have I mastered the art of losing yet? Get used to it, she says. The villanelle form just a bit distorted captures the manic feel of the genre. Over and over disaster, master. It seems to take a long time.

What I miss most each summer is a nearby beach. There is none her in N.Va; there are only close-by lakes which are taken over by exclusive clubs; niches in the Potomac taken over by the super-rich of Northwest Washington (private parks). For all too short a time, Jim and I, taking our dog Llyr, would summers driven to Jones Beach on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. The drive took 40 minutes; we’d arrive around 10 and stay until 11:30, with coffee and coissants. How the dog would romp in the water. No photos, just memories. I must remember he does not exist any more except in my mind and in the minds of those who remember him (Laura and Izzy), with the house around me and much that is in it gathered by us, which I keep up. (How relieved I was when Biden outwitted those horrific people over their manufactured crisis of a debt ceiling — they would have stopped all the money Izzy and I have coming in). If there was such a beach, I would get Izzy to come with me once a week, mornings, the two of us, with books … NYC public beaches everywhere, easy to get to. NYC is one of the cities I’ve lost, Leeds the other.


From the 1930s, Ken Howard, Beach Life

Ellen