Home Kit (a Getty image)
I’m having also a bit of an existential crisis: I’m running out of new teachable topics (topics this kind of student body will accept as relevant to them or important). I can’t drive at night, don’t drive as well during the day. I’m facing how stressful for me is traveling alone and that the conferences I land in are often not worth it — sometimes they are, this summer’s Trollope conference was. But all too rare. I could try Road Scholar again. JASNA for Izzy’s sake but doubt I’d find acceptance). But fundamentally as trips take only a small time, unless I can keep my daily studies and quiet activities with congenial others up, what shall I do with my widowed life?
Dear friends and readers,
I’ve not written any new blogs since my first two on Izzy and my trip to Somerville College, Oxford and London. She and I became very sick with a (watch for the word) horrendous respiratory infection or maybe it’s just a nasty tenacious virus shortly after we arrived home. Both of us now have sore left flanks from sore muscles left over coughing pathways. She had a light fever the first couple of days, and I have had bad trouble sleeping. She kicked her foot so bad at one point, it swelled up. I’ve lost more weight. We’ve had two Covid tests, one a home kit, and one expensive one at Kaiser: results negative. The virus is not killing us but I believe in the power of a virus to do just that. We’ve been to Kaiser at Falls Church, at Springfield, at Tysons Corner. We give up and are accepting the medications by mail. Izzy does video visits.
So this blog is a public service announcement: when out in a crowd, or crowded room, wear your mask. Never mind if you are among a minority or the only person. Anything is better than this misery — in my case it has not turned into pneumonia (which it could’ve), but bottles of steroids, antibiotics and cough suppressants are feeble against its power. I’ve not written that third blog on Izzy and my trip in early September because I have been trying to start teaching, beginning one of four reviews, and read on in both women’s mysteries and American literature (for a coming spring course to be taught hybrid fashion). I nap in the afternoon, watch (to me) pleasurable movies at night.
As soon as Izzy and I are well enough — we are better tonight — we will head out for our vaccinations against flu for this year, RWVP and a Covid booster. We go to Kaiser, but you can go to your local pharmacy and if you have insurance, the insurance will pay; if you don’t, the federal gov’t will.
I’m calling this a public service announcement and not putting it on my political blog. A pandemic, an epidemic, people getting sick and needing help and good advice should not be a political issue; it is a social issue yes, and a centrally medical one. Two of my favorite sub-stack newsletter writers so regard it: Heather Cox Richardson and Robert Reich. Remember climate break-up includes the extinction of species and plants; that all the earth’s creatures are criss-crossing where they once did not, and new diseases are forming and spreading.
Here are a few stories:
From The Nation: “The ‘You Do You’ Pandemic by Gregg Gonsalves
From NBC News: one way to measure this rise is wastewater
From the New Yorker: “Best Shots” or “The Covid Bump” by Dhruv Khullar
A selection of moments from 2022
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While I’m at it, i.e., writing a blog by referring to good local journalism and periodical magazines and newsletters, newspapers, I’d like briefly to recommend subscribing to Liber: A Feminist Review, the contemporary replacement of Women’s Review of Books, which has at last died.
This month despite another awful cover (this periodical is not decorated with my taste in mind), Liber boasts a number of good articles: On Ani Franco (so now I know why Laura adopted part of her nom de plume when 13 from this singer, on Roz Chast’s art and life; on The Female Gaze by Michael Dango as reviewed by Debbie Stoller who persists in asserting that Madonna’s sexual act was not the result of trying to please men, but something she enjoyed and therefore liberating — against three generations of people who respond that it is sell out — in these terms the Barbie movie is liberating because she is what women want to be and do — if only she were not plastic. There is an article-review on Jenni Nuttall’s Mother Tongue: The Surprising History of Women’s Words by Annie Finch (poet and critic) on how words are used by men to reflect men’s attitudes and how masculine POVs work to repress women’s desires and instincts. The way we give birth is defined passively, we are deprived of agency there too. There is an argument (again based on a book, Gwendola Ricordeau’s Free Them All, “Women at the Gates” by Rachel Dewoskin that mass incarceration does not make women safer (they rarely report violence for they rightly fear the system); the penal system overtly harms women. A couple of good novels are reviewed. There’s poetry from the isolation of the pandemic (Marilyn Hacker), and a short story. This from someone (me) who reacted violently against the first column for this month’s issue: a woman who says how she loved her Barbie doll … what could have been wrong with her is not what I asked myself, but rather confessed to myself I was never “with it.”
See the covers and reviews here. These I like. Indeed they are quietly superb. Like other good journals of our time, the on-line presence of Liber can offer more than the printed booklet. One of the covers for just one of many insightful and informative reviews.
Ellen
Under the Sign of Sylvia II 
Do other people have trouble going on vacations? A thread I had with other autistic late or self-diagnosed women:
I know I have no right to press her and so don’t — I just ask at the beginning of the summer – and yes now and again. We are going away to the UK for 8 days in September — that is for me to give a paper at an Oxford college, and for 4 further days in London.
But I’d like to get away to relax. Admittedly I have a hard time relaxing. I miss my house, my books, my sense of deep security, which I need for peace of mind. I could travel with my husband because I trusted him so implicitly.
My question; do others have these troubles? In ability to travel,t fond things. Fear when in unknown places . Dread of uncertainty? inability to relax. It would help to know others who are autistic experience this
Ellen Moody neither of my parents travel. Growing up, they took us on two vacations. They are divorced and remarried, and each of them has taken a handful of vacations. But for the most part, they do not travel. Very, very stressful for them. (They are in their 70s). My brother is the same way, though his wife pushes it a little more, so they travel a little. But in the 5 days at a familiar beach sort of way
I am on my own now. I used to go away with my partner and depended on his support in many ways. I’m also physically disabled now so it’s difficult to go away somewhere without a lot of support. So I just stay home
I would have an extremely hard time traveling alone. I only go when my adult children, both single and ND, are going to accompany me. I can make arrangements okay, but just don’t enjoy being in unfamiliar places or doing unfamiliar things alone.
Yes. Travel is extremely overwhelming for me. The planning is intense, I have to plan out every detail and I obsess over picking the right locations and places to stay. It’s daunting. Before leaving I become incredibly anxious about leaving my house and animals. More obsessing that closets need to be organized, the fireplace cleaned and other unnecessary task before packing. Packing is also an ordeal because I am over packer thinking of all the what if scenarios.
Actually leaving is a whole ordeal because my anxiety is through the roof and I feel like I’m never ready. Once on vacation I do find I can relax but after a few days I’m so ready to be home. I don’t like long trips.
We are a family of 6 and try to take the family on trips every couple years. I’m glad we do it but it is definitely an ordeal that’s not always positive. Especially with neurodiverse kids.
Your experience is more like my own. So too … the death of my husband has been a major loss for he enabled me. thank you …
Can definitely relate. Plan, research, pack for every eventually. I travel alone. Coach tours. All organised. Feel safe and know where to be and when. Made good friends too.
I love to travel, but it’s also very stressful. To mitigate my anxiety, I plan and research extensively to anticipate every possible need or problem. To some, this may be too much, but I enjoy the the planning process.
I’ve traveled alone before, and it was much more stressful because there was no one to interact with people on my behalf, like when checking into a hotel.
Traveling isn’t very fun for me, I get overwhelmed, and I don’t really understand the concept of why going somewhere else could be relaxing. I would rather have a vacation where I stay home, sleep, and not have to go anywhere.
Yes It’s the change of routine of staying somewhere new staying in a hotel the journey etc. All aspects of a holiday are harder work than at home.
I’ve never used this company, just see their and now and then, but something to look at to see if it’s a good fit for you. They specialize in trips for solo travelers. https://www.justyou.com/
I don’t know where you’re located at, but there is a group I follow Fearless, Fabulous, and over 40 Adventures Women’s Group that organizes vacations. I haven’t gone on one yet myself because they’ve all been during times I couldn’t get away from work, but I would like to go.
It would be nice to have most of the planning handled by someone else and potentially make some new friends.
I have traveled to 50 countries and after a tragic death of my loved one, I can longer travel like I used to. I panic and have too many sensitivities. So I am starting off small, I bring my own linen and aromatherapy and other comfort items.
My exact situation minus the child. I’d love to travel, explore, experience new things, get away… but the thought of doing it alone fills me with so much dread and panic that I don’t even bother looking. I could go anywhere and do anything with my partner, but I feel pretty much locked in place now that he’s gone. I can’t even stand the thought of moving back to my home state because it’s just too much stress to manage alone.
Have you ever thought of doing a group tour/trip where everything is planned for you and you travel with a group of strangers? I know that may be a hard no for some, but it would take some of the pressure off because you don’t have to do anything but show up and follow the group.
My reply”
Yes I have and three times I’ve gone on Road Scholar tours. Two of them have been very enjoyable for me. The third taught me I needed to be more careful to try to find a group where the people’s tastes and attitudes were congenial to mine. I’m now hoping next summer to try again, and also local Smithsonian tours, where I’m told they do all the travel arrangements, and itineraries for you. Notice I’m contemplating next summer “) at a safe distance. I don’t have that much money and have to go to that conference in September — so cannot afford more than one of these more expensive trips. My anxiety is up because it’s a conference and I have to get myself there and to places and to socialize while there too. If my daughter were not coming, I couldn’t do it. But she also wanted to go to London (as long as we were going), so we’ll have to get through 4 days in London. I am very bad at planning and can never figure out distances and where unfamiliar things are in relationship to other unfamiliar things. I like familiarity and sameness, routine.
Ellen, I was slow to get around to it but just read your blog ref your adventures in Oxford and London. It sounds like your talk/conference were highly satisfactory. I was glad to read so many references to Izzy’s engagement in various situations and her seeming enjoyment of much of your trip. Thank you for sharing this with me. Your inclusion of photos and quotes added to my enjoyment.
I look forward to reading your blog on the Mark Rylance play. I’m glad you enjoyed it, particularly since I recommended it!
Here’s hoping that you and Izzy both have recovered from your illness.
Your friend,
Mary Lee
I’m proud of you and a bit in awe of your intellectual accomplishments and your ongoing engagement with these subjects which you love. I think Jim would be proud of how you have delved into your teaching, blogging, and paper writing. You continue to be a good mother to your adult daughters…. he would like that, too.
ML
Good morning, Mary Lee. Thank you for the praise. Yes Izzy did enjoy the trip; I knew that for her the Trollope conference itself would not be fun — though everyone was friendly to her– but had in mind that she needs to get out and be among people too. She went with Laura to San Diego in July for a week and now with me to Oxford/London. She said she liked Oxford very much. I’m not sure I’m going to write that blog on the Mark Ryland play. I am just now (I think) getting over this tenacious virus and I go slower, do less than I used to. Yes I keep up all my old studious and teaching ways and on the Net the friendships/acquaintances I’ve managed — the two OLLIs, Politics and Prose are important this way.
And yes in many of my decisions, Izzy continues to come first. Laura is more on her own; has little practical need of me.
I was supposed to go out with a friend to see Evita yesterday but I wasn’t enthusiastic about the musical and the rain made it so chilly and I really thought we would have high winds (glad we didn’t — we never lost power though it flickered a couple of times) so stayed home rather than risk pneumonia.
Yes in friendship,
Ellen