I would like to be at that seashore now:
The admiral and I used to stand at another seashore, this, the edge of Manhattan (not far from the apartment we lived in for 11 years), a vast swirling turn of the Hudson, across the way on one side New Jersey and on the other the Bronx. We would look down, hold tight to our dog, Llyr on a leash. A George Bellowes painting.
Much afraid went over the river singing/Though none knew what she sang — Empson (another of Jim’s favorite poets)
Part of the terror and mad desperation of having to remain alive without my beloved is he used to support and help me in all the many times I have lived in uncertainty and distress. I am in such a state this morning. I used to say he was the blood that flowed through my heart. I thought I was exaggerating but those were the words that came to mind when I tried to say what his presence by me meant — why and how I loved him.