In Middlemarch, George Eliot writes of Rosamund Vincy that she is Lydgate’s basil plant because “basil was a plant which had flourished wonderfully on a murdered man’s brains.” Since the phone call (and as yet no clear document) telling me my license was suspended until May 17th now, I have not slept more than 2 hours a night. My health is again deteriorating. Yesterday I just could not eat my soup for lunch. I felt I would just barf it up. I am shaking today since last night I resorted to Restoril (a very strong sleeping pill): it did the trick for 6 hours. But one pays for taking such pills. I have not liked taking a melantonin or trazadone (said to be a mild sedative, but a prescription one) regularly (one should as a rule take no prescription daily except if really needed, proven effective for specific need, and with no bad side effects or contraindications) but if they stop working, what am I to do?
Widows. A species to kicked about, erased.
I also cancelled my registration to go the Williamsburg, ASECS (18th century society meeting) that Jim dreamed of going to with me; rescinded my reservation and will try to see if an exchange can be made on my train tickets. No one can regret this more than me. It means more than this single loss or incident. I read in Widows’ Handbook how so many widows end up reclusive — or seeming so.
I am feeling this new raw deal — not that the DMV was ever much different. A friend both came up with the same phrase for the behavior of the DMV to me: “unnecessary cruelty,” and I tried to see my case in the larger perspective of the enforcement of punitive measures we see everywhere in this mean & vindictive set of regions (each state area differing) – which are then used to exploit and make money. So Zero tolerance enables a judge to send 1000s of students away to two privatized jails in return for kickbacks. The new Jim Crow is horrendous prison sentences (like something out of Les Miserables or 18th century England) for possessing small bits of marijuana part of imprisoning, including torturing (decades of solitary confinement) huge numbers of black men. Talk about unnecessary cruelty. In the last 5 months I’ve come across several cases where white people just killed black people and got no prison sentence — this is after the Zimmerman case including the one recently in DC where a young black woman in DC was shot to death when she tried to escape having rammed her car into one of these cement things everywhere in DC (to protect those in a building it’s said against terrorists).
None more so than the US medical establishment (we are 35th in rank for helping people for real when ill), especially preying on people with cancer or other dangerous and/or fatal conditions. Making oodles of money off you, clipping you are every juncture (talk about nickel and dimed), then behaving on the edge of decency, with stony indifference as they collect their money.
There is a move to pass a law which includes a provision where your driver’s license must show if you are autistic. I know that would be bad. It would not help. No one asked Aspergers or Autistic people.
It seems to me all the publicity surrounding Autistic people had made things worse not better. At each juncture as people are more aware of autistic people, they decide against them. I’ve learned from reading the list-serv, reading ,seeing what has happened to Izzy (three encounters with police officers, all bad) that having a diagnosis instead of helping could cause prejudice. I sometimes think I’m at a disadvantage because I’ve never been diagnosed as having a disability and I know I do — one of the areas it comes out in is driving to strange places, being where it’s unfamiliar: I experience a lot of stress. But experience shows me I’d be worse off. Being an adjunct all the years I taught is directly connected to my Aspergers traits. I can think of countless incidents where the Admiral helped me crucially – coming with me in travel especially, but also writing email letters for me, practicing with me to drive somewhere. He driving or sitting next to me driving.
Medical establishment out to support itself and its funders.
Our military all over the world prosecuting wars, destruction, ending all social movements where they can. Read about the Koch Bros and other billionaire donors; their institions not hounded by the FBI; Americans for Prosperity as a name is straight out of Orwell. End all unemployments benefits, cut food stamps so more people can come near starving.
I couldn’t carry on with PBS reports last night. A case of police men just retiring denied their health care benefits: now they pay $700 a month when they worked all their lives on the supposition they would have free health care. It’s not a gift. The union did not ask for a higher wage; it was in lieu of a higher wage. No one mentions this on PBS — and now unions are destroyed mostly no one will.
New changes in laws now allow Afghanistan men to beat their wives, daughters, sisters with impunity. People on line get upset when they see a video showing someone just shooting cats. The video goes viral. Not the news about Afghan women, or statistics on domestic violence towards women in the US.
Basil plants, they are like basil plants.