the very sky empty
Friends and readers,
I’ve been told it’s a common experience for widows (perhaps widowers too) to revert back. Whatever you most fundamentally were before you linked up to your partner, your beloved, you revert back to. (See I buy a car …)
Yes insofar as you resembled this person, that you keep; but much has been added on, aligned, strengths given, lent, that were not there at all in you. It may have gone on for years and years: in my case 45: though it may seem the last 14, since 2000 when I wrote a book that was published, and began going to conferences, never alone of course, much that happened before that could not have out of me. I affected him but he’ll never have to experience this painful contraction.
I find I revert back to what I was when I was 23, the same feelings, with thoughts and reasons the heart knows nothing of, re-aroused. That’s actually what I experienced while I was away, a sudden unexpected resurgence.